Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
