I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
