Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
