me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
it's like heaven, but drunker
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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