There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
and she was petting her beer can
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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