The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
When did angry sex become our thing?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
