shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
