Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
