Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
