So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
