oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
