I never want to see another naked old woman again.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
