You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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