and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
