The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
