im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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