We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
is it fun? or sober?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
