he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
