can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
