I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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