drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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