why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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