she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
