my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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