I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
