As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
