i don't like sucking hair
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
