So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
