Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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