she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
