i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
