You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
