she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
