hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
