This dress was meant to end up on your floor
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
