So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
