Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
