I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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