make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
