she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
