Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
