So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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