But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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