why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
