You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
