We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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