You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I can tuck mytits in my pants
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Randomize
