I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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