ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
