I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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