$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
