I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
