If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
